There are times in one's life that is a defining point on the linear dash between your birth and death. For most, many of those points are marriage, a birth of a child, maybe finding a fur baby, or even a job; for me, some of the points on my dash have been finding ways to help others through creating new state laws, showing children the truth, caring for my two fur babies, and though it may seem ironic - finding Dakini's Whisper. My life works through the points to get to here. Now. Writing.
A few weeks ago, the biggest defining point so far on my liner dash landed with our in-person Vajrayogini empowerment in DC. In an effort to be transparent, I believe this empowerment was something I had asked for, worked towards, and vowed to do in past lifetimes because the empowerment, though not without its own challenges, really was "easy" for me. It's in the returning home has been the most challenging because the empowerment is taking hold in a regular life. I equate how I feel to watching a train wreck.
About two weeks ago, one of Enya's albums hit its 30 year anniversary and as one of my favorite artists, I decided to listen to her songs as I drove into town. One of my favorites is 'Book of Days' and I'll repeat it a few times before moving on to the next one. It prompted me to write in my journal that day about the train wreck that I had crashing in my mind:
"To open up and see my Buddha nature, does trauma on a core level have to happen for the awakening of being able to focus on the truth of who and what we are? I have taken my own trauma and turned it into the causes and conditions to help mitigate others' suffering. My own 'Book of Days' will see this lifetime was not wasted. Profoundly, I am a fortunate one in the most degenerate time this world has seen. I realized there was no time to waste anymore by making pitstops along the path - I must always continue on without hesitation. Though I do not feel the trust and confidence I "should" in my body and in my actions due to the trauma rewiring, I see that I am still acting newly, healthily, authentically, and all while proving again and again to myself the truth of who and what I am here and now. The joy is in the brokenness, and I want others to see that part of Buddha nature within me."
Maybe I'm way off, or maybe I'm not making sense, but I am working the path in real-time feeling Vajrayogini edge Herself out of my skin. If the cracks in the broken outline of who and what I am bring me closer to Her, then I couldn't be more happy about this defining "train wreck" that has become the most important point on my linear dash thus far.