Heartbreak – I grew up listening to Elvis crooning about lost love and the resulting loneliness in “Heartbreak hotel” and then my own experiences after an emotional breakup, or something tragic, and crying, weeping, “Oh no, my heart is broken”... The pieces of my heart, exposed and shattered. My habitual habits and patterns all reacted yesterday to the word ‘Heartbreak’ and interpreted it as my breaking heart is broken. But it is not broken! More to the point I think, it’s functioning quite well in fact! It is still rhythmically beating and serving the function of pumping blood through my body and sustaining life. But more importantly it is whole and open and reflexing to the pain and suffering of others instead of shutting down and turning away from what is right in front of me. The sensation of ‘heartbreak’ in connection with seeing the horrors in this world..... I am seeing it more as a “Heartburst of compassion” that is breaking out of the constricted container of habit that I have held my heart in. The burst of the love that I feel for all beings and the compassion for those beings that are suffering, bursting out of my heart as waves of energy going out to all those suffering mothers as soothing balm to ease their suffering. Unattached and unceasing it fills the perceptual worlds with love. So I thought I would re-write some of those old lyrics (I'm sure Elvis won't mind)! "Well, since all beings suffer, I open my heart to them, And walk the path of the bodhisattva to bring an end to pain. Where I'll be, I'll be so open baby, The love burst from my heart, All abide in love until we die (and beyond)"

The word frightening - something that causes fright, or fear. Fear of facing our darkest, deepest and most ignored demons or traumas? Fear of what gets stirred to the surface? Fear of the changes that result when we embody that which brings those very fears to the surface? Ferocious and Frightening! The no-nonsense compassion to shake us up, wake us up and blazing with enlightened wisdom proclaim "Stop your BS, your avoidance, your excuses...and look directly at what is arising!" Ferocious! Intense energy there... Ready to take on and face down, to stand on the threshold and look directly into the abyss. Even the strongest feelings of anger and rage evaporate as you stare it down with the compassionate, wise, alluring, courageous, wild, frightening and ferocious gaze [as] Dakini!

I sat in the dark, playing and singing along with everyone, on this Dakini Day. What a pleasure and joy to share in this practice with you all! In my mind i could see the vultures flying swooping down to the chopped up bodies of the sky burial.... now as my awareness, swooping and chopping, flinging the bits of my own body into the skull cup. (Do not be concerned you flesh eating birds! Your share is here too! There is plenty to go around! No-being left out!) And as the feast concluded, I brought the tsok remainder outside... just as the sun began to peek over the horizon it's gentle soft light sparkling through the rain wet branches. Thank you!

Last night I found myself holding up a square of extra creamy milk chocolate. I offered it to Vajrayogini and then the blissful thought arose! Ah! How fun is this! Tasting the chocolate of the divine essence of Dakini~*

I have really been enjoying dancing to one of my favorite bands "The Hu"! This is one I particularly enjoy dancing to: Song of Women.

Thank you Khandro-la! Several times over this last week I have felt your presence and could see you in my mind and hear you sing the Tonglin movements that we do in class. It was such a soothing blessing and calmed my spirit like cooling nectar. Could you please share the melody in class? I would like to record it so that I may bring this movement and song more fully into my own practice!

Machik's 5 slogans! I have heard them before and most likely read about them as well, before and after I first picked up my Chod Damaru. After Khandro-la shared these teachings with us, I went to the wild forest nearby and walked! In the nature that nurtures I walked through each of those 5 slogans and asked myself: Where did my prideful, judgmental and arrogant mind block me from going?.... Who have I not helped because my ego got in the way.... What AM I attached to? What faults am I still harboring, what faults have I turned a blind eye to! I sat and walked and cried and laughed and walked and walked for hours.... and really worked to not let the uprising of stuck emotional patterns and tendencies carry me away. To remain present and at the same time rest in what was arising and to look directly at that which was arising - without flinching away or following it. In this case, they all did not liberate in their own ground.... It was clear I still had work to do with these! I was caught by them and was even afraid to practice! These strong powerful demons of mine really had 'their' claws dug deep.... there were uprisings everywhere! Inside and Outside. My mind was in chaos and at times I felt if I wavered and followed any of it, my mind would not so much as 'unravel' but twist into madness. "Pe'!!!" So perhaps next time, I will work with 1 slogan at a time and not all 5 at once! My root Lama (Shangpa lineage) repeatedly told us in class: Easy, Gently, Slowly... advice that transcends lineages! The fierce and wrathful energy of Troma Nakmo (SBT series III) and the juicy fire of Vajrayogini, compassionately filled me with love, my heart cracked opened and I was able to break free of the God/Demons I had held onto so tightly..... What you are attached to.... give that!

It has been quite a delight to see how these Dakinis have been dancing through my life these last few weeks! I came across a copy of 'The Heart Sutra with the Repulsion of Maras' that I had printed out. I put the pages together into a little booklet and when I was done looked out my window! Everything I could see was awash in the most amazing intense golden light! I stood in my open doorway and read the Heart Sutra out loud to the golden light and rainbows! Love and Light!